How To Defend Yourself Against Hipsters*

[Thordic]

(* - For the record, I have nothing against hipsters. They don't bother anyone, they generally know how to party, and anyone who drinks PBR can't be too bad. And since I used to frequent the East Village in NYC, I partied with them quite often.)

I was reminded of this story last night when someone was talking about karaoke and said something "I'm not a great singer, but at least I never killed anyone".

Which I found quite amusing, because I almost did kill someone once. With my singing.

Me and two friends are in the East Village one night, its around midnight, and we're fairly tanked. I get a call from my friend Katie, who is at a birthday party as a private karaoke club in midtown. She tells us to come up because its boring. We show up, and its a room packed full of hipsters singing Beatles and Elvis Costello songs.

Not that I have anything against the Beatles and Elvis Costello, but I felt it was our duty to liven up the party. It was way too mellow in there. We queue up Cum On Feel The Noize and proceed to down some of the beer we brought up with us. Finally, it comes up and we stumble up there in our drunken glory and begin rocking out as hard as we can. I don't know about you guys, but apparently we rock pretty hard. In the middle of telling the girls to rock their boys, there is a crash, and a scream. Music stops.

We rocked so hard that some poor hipster girl went out into the hallway, broke a window, and slit her wrists. I can't make this shit up. Party over, ambulance called. Time to take the party elsewhere*

Ok, so it was probably a coincidence, but ever since then I've considered Quiet Riot a potent weapon against a potential hipster uprising. Everyone should go out and buy a copy of Metal Health.

(* - Two asterisks in one story? Crazy talk. Anyway, another good part of that night was when we got to the subway, it was me, Matt, Kev, Katie W, and Katie B. Four of us have Metrocards. Kev doesn't. We go through the turnstile and take a seat on a bench while Kev buys a new metrocard. Our train is there but we figure we'll wait for the next one. Just as the doors are about to close, we hear "HOLD ON GUYS I'M COMING!". We look over, and see Kev run through the turnstiles and do a headfirst superman dive onto the train. As the doors close. We just watch as the train rolls out of the station. We picked Kev up at the next stop.)